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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

You like broke niggas (c) B. Edmonds

The tagline of this blog is what my dear friend Brandon said about myself, and my taste in men. I have come to realize that the 40-year old virgin is not just a funny comedy, it's looking like it is shaping up to be an autobiography of my life. I'm not gonna lie, once I hit that half way mark I was a little worried, but now that I'm approaching 3/4 of the way there, I'm terrified. I know what you're thinking, come ON you're a female, you can git errr done' (c) Larry the Cable Guy... whenever you want. I wish it were that simple. To help you understand where I'm coming from I've compiled a list of celebrities that I find attractive maybe then you will see my dilemma, because of my eclectic taste in men I just can't seem to find anyone that I'm attracted to/connect enough with to 'do the dew' (c) Mountain Dew Marketing Rep that is making wayyyy too much money for coining that phrase. That or the guys that I am attracted to, don't like girls like moi. :( (world's smallest violin plays for me for .2 seconds) I am more than aware that if I were to meet about 99.9% of the people on these lists, that I would more than likely no longer be interested... But hey, I'm trying to give you some sort of guideline here. Celebs don't really do much for me...To be 'Politically Correct' I have made a Black Guy List... and a White Guy List... I couldn't make it even thought lol. Enjoy!


My Mandingo Warriors
16. 

Blair Underwood- Ever since that BET hot hunks calendar in middle school I can not get him out of my mind. Sooooo amazingly beautiful.









15. 


Mos Def- So he may or may not pay child support, but we're not gonna get into all that. When I read his lyrics, he makes my heart smile.



14.
Jesse Martin- With him I get to mix my love for Law and Order and
attractive men. He's 'nothin special' per se, but he's cute. AND he played a gay man in RENT, I tend to like men that are secure enough in their sexuality to embrace roles that may challenge ideals on masculinity.


13. Sean Daley (Slug of the Hip-Hop group Atmosphere)- now I know he's bi-racial but I had to give him his black card... Hey, he is a rapper after-all. Now I know he's not 'traditionally hot' or whatever but his music makes me melt, so anyone that can move me in ways I never thought possible via song has to be able to do wonders to me in every other aspect of my life... Right?


12.

Lonnie Lynn (Common)- One out of five light-skinned brothers on the list. Sure he got crap for saying what he did about interracial couples but I love an outspoken man, even when his ethics may or may not be questionable. His music is wonderfullll. Plus, he's delicious to look at.
11.



Ahmir Thompson (?uest Love)- Now I know I'm gonna take loads of crap for this one but there's something about those drum sticks... They do wonders to me. Oh how I wish he would make love to me on a snare :)

10.  Isaiah Washington - I've been in love with him ever since he played 'Angry Nigga #1' in Crooklyn. He is a cool chocolate delight on a warm summers day. EFFFFFF Grey's Anatomy lol.







9.

Vincent Carter - I've loved him since 8th grade, it's just one of those things that don't go away...








8. 
Phonte' (of Little Brother) - My love for him is so strong. I pretty much feel as though he is my male counterpart (minus the whole 'talent thing' cause I don't have that lol) I would definitely let him love me with NOOOOO hesitation.




7. Jason Momoa-
Ever since I laid eyes on him in Stargate Atlantis my life was never the same. He is the true blend of "man's man" and romantic. He can build me a home, make dinner, do the dishes, rub my feet and who doesn't like that kind of versatility in a partner? Doesn't hurt that he's fine denamug and OH.SO.HUMBLE. Midwest for the win!!









6.




Andre 3000- WEIRDO SUPREME! How appropriate is it that I love him? I don't care if you press your hair and it looks more healthy than mine, you are beautiful and I would definitely become a vegetarian for you...



5. Raphael Saadiq 
My first crush EVER. His voice. His talent. Even as a baby child I knew he was the stuff dreams were made of.







4.



Willard Smith- Oh the Fresh Prince... Sure he's old, but like Denzel he is a classic... He's just legitimately a GOOD MAN, and in my opinion there's NOTHIN sexier.




3.


MICHAEL ERIC DYSON- He gives me mental orgasms... and being a supreme nerd, that leads me only to imagine what he could do to my body. Sure he's uber old, so perhaps I should put his son on the list since that would be more feasible, but what can I say? He makes my body tingle a lil.





2.


Aaron McGruder- Yum, yum, yum... I'm not gonna lie, I was attracted to this man before I ever laid eyes on him. However, I find it crazy ironic that he happens to be CUTE. He says what I think and gets paid for it. His hate for niggas equals if not surpasses mine and that entices me. PLUS he's a comic book nerd TOO! Oh Mr. McGruder may I PLEASEEEEEE have your babies?









1.


Wasalu Jaco (Lupe Fiasco)-UBER NERD. When it boils down to it that's all I really want. But he's cool wit it, and his style... OMG his style, it makes me shake just thinking about it. He encompasses everything I long for in a man... Intelligence, originality, style, and attractiveness. AND HE GETS THE GIRL... Need I say more? That song is story of my life...

AND

Kendrick Lamar - a self conscious fellow Gemini that doesn't drink or smoke. HELLO, is it me you're looking for? So witty, so insightful, so original. 100% organic and true to himself at all times. His talent disgusts me. I hope he's famous one day. I want everyone to love him as much as I do :)


Honorable Mention: Pharrell Williams, he makes my leg tremble a lil, he's just too flashy for my liking. His 'swag' (pardon my use of the supremely overused term)...SCRATCH THAT WHOLE 'swag' thing... I'm gonna say his 'pomp' yes POMP, as in; shine, array, fanfare, and gradeur... It's his pomp that keeps me coming back.


My White Lightnin's
14.ANDY SAMBERG! - Such a nerd... I have a weakness in my soul for nerds... AND he's hilarious. I get the 'Andy likes the sista's vibe' which is a plus... I can soothe your chocolate fix... *call me*

13.
Travis McCoy- Yeah I know he's bi-racial too, AND so was Slug but he makes the white guy list because he decided to date Katy Perry... that girl kissin heff is not what I pictured my Travie to be with. She's sooooo extra regular lol. He has SEVERELY dropped as a result of his decision. However, I'm not gonna lie, when looking at the other persuasion I tend to be a little radical, and the gauges in his ears and tattoo covered body do intrigue me...

12.


Jared Leto- I hate the movie Panic Room but I watch it over and over because of Mr. Leto and his braids...Those eyes. Oh, and 30 Seconds to Mars aren't too bad... ;-)


11.


Shia LaBeouf- I can tell he likes the sista's and any fan of the sista's is a fan of mine. I've loved him since Even Stevens, all these other sista's are jumpin on the band wagon because of Eagle Eye... STAY AWAY, he's MINE! lol





10.

Chester (Linkin Park)- So he's your typical skinny white boy and to be honest I don't know WHAT IT IS... but I am sooo attracted to him.



9.




Jason Mraz- I LOVE his voice... it soothes me, that coupled with the fact that I met him and he called me beautiful was enough to give him my panties.... Yup, 'I'm easy like Sunday Mornin....' (c) Commodores.

8.

Michael Cesar- YES Evan from Superbad. He's a nerd. But that's what rocks my socks, I thought you got that by now. EVERYONE I know that knows about my love for him continuously make fun of me for it lol. *Walks away from the screen and pops in Juno*
7.

BRANDON BOYD- 'How do you do it...Make me feel like I do?' (c) Mr. Boyd himself. I pretty much have concluded that he would make my life better. Sure he had some drug issues, but all that I would require him to do is sing Stellar, I Miss You, Love Hurts, Dig, and I Wish You Were Here to me... and I would let him do to me whatever he wishes.





6.






Richard Gere- That old man gets my juices flowing. Felching or not, you still made the list.

5.


Zach Braff- Any man that is responsible for the soundtrack of Garden State would obviously be able to have my soul. He's cute, he's got style (those tweed Nike Blazers he wore in Garden State=beauty), he's funny, and he has great taste in music. 'I think I'm in loooveeeeee again' (c) Andre 3000

4.




Jon Stewart- Liberal white men are dreamy.



3.
Colin Farrell/Rob Lovell*- Sure I know he has venereal diseases that haven't even been catergorized yet, sure he probably has several illegitimate children, he curses wayyyy too much, he's rude, he's a womanizer, and he may not shower. I'd still let him fondle me. And what does that say about myself? Perhaps I have low self-esteem, but I'd grin and bare it for Mr. Farrell because no matter how bad he is, he always looks sexy doing it. (He's my ONE bad guy on the list... give me a break,) I think it's the accent lol.


2.


Christian Bale- Have you seen American Psycho? Nuff' said.





1.



Robert Downey Jr. - A very unconventional #1 but as you probably have guessed by now there is NOTHING conventional about Meezy. I've loved him foreverrrrr. I know about his run ins with the law, with drugs, etc. but in my opinion he is one of the most intriguing actors of this generation. His quirkiness and intelligence captivate me... and he's not too hard to look at ;-)










Honorable Mention: Johnny Depp! He makes odd=sexy and I love him for it. Oh, and Kyle Blizzard... 'BLOCK O' LEGEND!


So as you can see my lists are 99.9% made up of artists, musicians, and writers. What can I say? I'm undercover emo so anyone that oozes creativity, and are expressive can pretty much have my heart. The odd thing is that I am fairly certain that if I were to ever have the opportunity to love one of these individuals that I probably wouldn't even be attracted to them anymore. I'm more so attracted to the idea of them, since I don't really know them. So, until that striking individual comes into my life I'm going to keep trudging up that hill towards 40-year old virgin land... Hoping that my vag doesn't atrophy in the process. In fact, I'm hoping for the sake of my vagina, that I don't make it there.


















*Rob Lovell is my own personal Colin Farrell, he doesn't have any of the 'Colin Farrell' negative characteristcs, however, when he wears a beanie and I squint with one eye and don't look out of the other he looks JUST like him ;-)

3 comments:

Rob said...

WHERE'S MY HONORABLE MENTION

leandra said...

yo...you're mad funny. kudos. good luck on the man hunt. but stay away from celebrity men. 9 times out of 10, they're no bueno.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm-hhmmm all my sweet/dirty talkin finally paid off... ps, i just found this randomly and was very amused i made it on your list!

-Kyle