Sunday, September 28, 2008

This is the last call, for the jump-off express (c) Phonte'

Coon's status...'Face it, every man's girl at one point in time has been another man's jump-off'

Me: I disagree with ur status
Coon: lol...on what grounds?
Me: It doesn't apply to me haha. Hence, I am the flaw in your argument
Me: Hahahaha
Coon: lol...when it comes to you i'd bet money on the fact that my status doesn't apply... but for others sometimes the jumpoff doesn't know she's the jumpoff
Coon: (attempts to argue with a future lawyer, lol)
Coon: aight well, maybe not the jumpoff, but she's at least in some other nigga's camera phone (c) corey holcomb, lol
Me: Hahahahahahahahaha. But what is the true definition of a jump-off?
Coon: any chic that gets a call around 12am for non emergency purposes, lol
Me: Ahhhhh haha
Me: But r u still the jump-off if you get the call and ignore em?
Coon: yeah, if u don't get jumped on
Coon: u can't possibly be a jump
Me: Cause I get calls all the time, but I don't act on em... lol
Me: I call those 'After 9' relationships
Me: If a nigga can't waste a couple daytime minutes on you...
Me: You're the jump-off, sowwie
Coon: damn, this status is causing an uproar
Coon: people hittin me up on facebook messenger pissed
Me: Ahhhhhh haha I love it
Coon: a couple sensitive niggas is on here like...thats not true. Oh nigga, when u go outta town for an extended amount of time, don't think yo boo is keepin it gully, lol
Me: That's cause deep down they know their girl fits in that jump-off category. They just don't wanna admit it
Coon: and its prolly a nigga who had sex with his girl within the first two days of knowing each other, lol
Me: Yeah, just tryin to convince himself that she's not a skank skeeza... Poor sap. You know how easy it was to hit. It wasn't cause you're 'special...' Come on nigga
Coon: i mean, i wifed a jumpoff, so a nigga does have experience, lol trust me, i'm qualified on this
Me: What happened as a result of this 'wifing?'
Coon: multiple std tests, lol
Coon: a mild threat of pregnancy
Coon: a negative test
Coon: a hint of relief
Coon: then singleness
Coon: lol
Me: Well I hope u learned the error of ur ways
Coon: oh, trust me, i have
Me: You must have a keen eye
Me: Hoes nowadays are even disguising themselves in the 'respectable woman' uniform
Coon: a keen eye, a stash of condoms, some spermicide, and a hint of luck
Me: You must stay strong, and be observant for the tell tale hoe signs
Coon: but see, i made the mistake
Coon: jumpoff came thru, and GTD'd (got the draws) second night
Coon: i thought it was me (c) bbd and ended up wifin her cuz i thought she was cool, lol

So after engaging in this discussion I felt compelled to present...

10 Tell-Tale Signs that you're attempting to wife up a Jump-off
... for the niggas that literally have no clue what they're getting themselves into

1. She frequently receives text messages during your 'late night sessions'
2. She is shocked/thinks it's romantic when you ask her to do something before the sun goes down
3. She is always available during the day on the weekends but during the evening hours you have to make plans weeks in advance because she is always busy
4. When you finally bring her around your boys they all know intricate details about her after seeing her, that you've never mentioned... claiming they've 'seen her around' or 'heard abour her' but neglect to give specific details
5. The company she keeps has the reputation of being 'promiscuous girlsssss' (c) Timbaland... Birds of a feather...
6. No matter which one you go to whenever you hit up 'The Bees' after 10 for those happy hour specials she always knows the waiter's names...
7. 'Platinum Penis' (c) has had sex with her... (all of my OSU'ers know who this refers to...)
8. After formally introducing her to your boys she rushes home to add them as friends on facebook/myspace
9. When you all are together and happen to walk pass a group of males she gets an uneasy look on her face...
10. She has sex with you after meeting you 1, 2, or 3 times... this does not count if you knew her BEFORE said f*cking. For example, if you two had been talking for months and you finally got around to meeting up for the 1, 2, or 3rd time and it happens this POTENTIALLY... (emphasis on potentially) may not be a jumpoff... HOWEVER, if you met the hoe at Club Ice on Sat, and you're pounding on Monday evening 'jumpoff jumpoff jumpoff jump offfffffff' (c) Omarian/Bow Wow